I Hear ya . . . but I'm not Listening

I hear ya . . . but I’m not listening

How do you know if you’re a good listener? 

Nearly all of us think we’re good listeners. 

We know we’re supposed to practice active listening. We need to listen for understanding, to appreciate the other person’s perspective and point of view, not just to respond.

That’s in theory, of course; but, in practice, do we really do it?  

Listening well, like staying physically fit, has to be worked at and practiced throughout our careers. People don’t give you credit for being a really good listener five years ago. Your results will be the ultimate guide. The good news is that we can decide to change and improve daily.

Without feedback, It’s hard to determine if you’re a good listener. Just because you’re not moving your mouth, doesn’t mean you’re fully engaged, present or taking in everything being said. 

Once in a conversation, many people aren’t listening at all. They’re thinking about their response or just waiting for the other person to stop talking so they can talk about themselves and their views. 

It also doesn’t mean the person in the conversation is listening to you either. You might be telling your co-workers or employees important information and they’re responding to you as if you’re the grown up in a Charlie Brown special. They’re not hearing your message,  they just hear, “Wah wah wah wah” because they’re not engaged with what you’re saying.

You also might be doing the same thing with them, too. When they come into your office, you’re just bracing yourself for the problem or concern they’re about to unleash. With good intentions, you want to solve the issue as quickly as possible. You hear “problem problem word word. Solve. . .“ rather than being fully engaged. 

As soon as they start speaking, your brain jumps ahead, trying to solve the issue. You start crafting a response while they’re still talking, rather than being present and listening. They can tell you’re not fully listening. It’s easy to notice when someone is daydreaming or has checked out. It’s like they’re in a trance. They’re not engaged or present

In their mind, they’re thinking:  “Hey, You’re not listening! You’re not listening.. Hey Hey!!”

 When the person who came to you with an issue or concern finishes speaking, you respond with what you think is a thoughtful answer, but it’s based only on the first thing they said to you when they began speaking. You didn’t hear their full message, so your response doesn’t connect to what they are actually communicating. As a result, they leave your office thinking you don’t care. They may have given you a solution to the issue.

Despite your good intentions, you missed an opportunity to build rapport and they’re left wondering how to get you to truly listen to them.

When employees feel their ideas aren’t being heard, they become less engaged and less likely to volunteer information and ideas in the future. They won’t speak up in meetings, their attitudes may sour, and they’ll feel unappreciated. This lack of engagement affects workplace morale, enthusiasm and productivity suffers, too. You might be wondering “why aren’t people more engaged!? Do they care?!” and they’re wondering “why won’t they listen to me?! Do they care?” 

So what’s the solution? 

Think like an improviser at work! You don’t need new people. You just need to change your approach and attitude. It will lead to your people changing, too. 

If you think like an improviser at work, things will be different. Before someone enters your office, empty your mind. Be 100% present. In improv, we always say, "No thinking." You’re not thinking about the past or the future; you’re fully engaged with the person in front of you. Listen to everything they say. In improv, every person and every idea is golden. Imagine a world where you treated everyone like the most important person in the world, where every idea was valued as if it were gold. You don’t have to agree with every idea, but you accept the present moment, you agree with the situation, and build on it. That’s the "yes, and" principle in improv in action—it’s where the magic happens. 

When you take this approach, the person feels like you truly care. Well,  because you do. This shift in approach shows genuine interest, even if you ultimately don’t adopt every idea. 

You’re showing that you’re open to new ideas, not just waiting to drop in a “yes, but” to everything the person says. By being fully engaged, not daydreaming, and treating their ideas with respect, you’ll develop better rapport. People will feel appreciated, volunteer more information, and a more positive atmosphere will be created. This leads to less turnover and a team that’s enthusiastic about the workplace. Employees will become the biggest cheerleaders for your company, and you’ll foster a happier, more successful office—all because you took the time to think like an improviser.

My name is Mike McGuire of Mike McGuire speaks.  Give me a call, Fill out the contact form at www.MikeMcGuire.com or email me at [email protected]. I’d love to talk about how we could help you think like an improviser at your workplace